Dust & Ashes

Posted: September 2, 2015 in My thoughts

It is where it begins. The truth, the lies, the drama and everything.
Everything now merges into one single form to make sense. Well,
I am complete now for I know where it starts and where I stand.

It is now no longer about me for I am not what I used to be.
Strange, it is, these forced transformations. Uninvited though,
but inevitable as it seems, for we, the humans, cannot turn back the time.

So, the change, the change, the change, I
proclaimed as I wanted everything to change.
Everything in this world except me.

And I was not alone. The Anger, The Pride, The Ego, The Greed,
The Wrath & The Envy stood by me during this quest.
But not for long. And when I fell, I fell alone.

O’ time, only then I realize that it is where it begins. The truth, the lies,
the drama and everything. For a moment I thought I was complete
for I realized that the only thing I can change is me.

But Alas! I was too late for that too, for I have turned into dust and ashes…


Posted: August 2, 2012 in My thoughts
Tags: , , , ,

Wednesday, August 08,2012

I don’t trust tomorrow… She is the strangest girlfriend i suffer everyday!

Monday, August 06,2012

They didnt create media to make people aware of whats happening around; but to function as a medium that can inject, into them, what they want them to know…

Thursday, August 02,2012

The moment you forget the fact that you are alone, the trouble surfaces. All your friends, relatives, love, everything, all of a sudden would seem like fortifying your world. Slowly, you slip into a mesmerizing world of illusion.

The realization, then, would strike you only when the real trouble seeks you. That day you will discover the painful fact, yourself, that everything you thought you had till that day were nothing more than a mirage.

This journey is a lonely quest. You even have to leave what you truly own while departing…

The Pawns – You & Me!

Posted: April 28, 2012 in My thoughts

Till few years back…

People used to respect all inventions. They wondered how Einstein or Edison did it… and they carried a secret ambition of becoming one like them, someday!

The world respected library and knowledge. Folks knew that they had to listen carefully to know more about things they wanted to know. They knew that knowledge was not a thing that came freely or readily available. It was a privilege of only a few; of those who sought it…

Mutual attractions between sexes were common. They were ready to go any extend to gain their love or satisfy their appetite for physical pleasure. But those were a part of life for them… They had a much bigger problem in life: living!


Everything changed in matter of what? Internet and Mobile Technology boomed rashly as if mocking at the life that existed till yesterday. The respect for knowledge and inventions faded somewhere in that brutal journey.

Today, people no longer have to walk to library or listen to professor to gain knowledge… Internet has it all. You just name it!

Today, no one carries any secret ambition that makes him burn his mid night oil. Everyone wants everything fast and no one has the patience to wait for anything…

Mutual attraction is still common. The only difference is that today it’s all about numbers and nothing else… It’s about how many one had!

The world yesterday was not happy or peaceful the way they wanted. But it, definitely, was better than today’s world of luxurious drama. People talk about dreams and aspirations everywhere. But do they really have one? Isn’t everyone’s destiny, in some way or other, attached to money? Isn’t money the sole measuring rod of success in most cases?

Why speak more? How many of you who read this work for something you really cherish deep in heart? Aren’t most of us working for others dream or greed? And why get upset when i call you a Pawn!!!

You don’t even know who the real king or queen is! All you are concerned about are the little black and white blocks ahead of you… Hoping that you would cancel your opponents at some point and change track! And ultimately dreaming about a day when you finally reach the other side of the board to redeem a fortune!

Some say attack is the best defense. Some say seek and destroy the devil before it knocks your door and kills all the souls in there.

Anya’s heartbeat skipped several beats as she first walked in to the auditorium of the prestigious Women’s college in Trivandrum. It was her first day in that college and a sense of mixed feelings washed her. She was excited, thrilled, confused and scared, all at the same time! But she tried to keep herself calm and composed.

A few weeks later, she realized that she had become a part of the college. She no longer had those fear or confusions. She was enjoying every moment of her new life.

Jay’s mobile buzzed. “to our room” the voice on the other side said!

Jay ignited his RX 100.

As he walked into the room he saw his four friends sitting on the floor. They were drinking their favorite whiskey. Though they were his friends, Jay preferred calling them partners in crime!

Raj, the leader of the gang, cleared his throat after taking a puff from Arun’s cigarette.

“So we’ll start our mission from tomorrow. It’s been two months since colleges have started and now most of the girls have started enjoying their life. The only thing they miss in their life now is boys.” He paused.

“And we will take care of it for the rest of their life.” A devilish sneer appeared on his face.

“Now you both take the Women’s college route and the rest, the All Saint’s college”

All Saint’s and Women’s college are both girls-only college in Trivandrum. For the same reason, the students over there are usually bit bold, smart and outgoing. And the vultures outside, know exactly where to launch their grenades to pin them down.

Women’s is located at the heart of the city. The cafes and restaurants mushroomed near this college are often a joint or a happening place for the students here.

All Saint’s is situated close to Sanghumugham beach and Veli Lake. It’s proximity to violence prone areas are very close. It’s not difficult for anyone to predict the mentality and attitude of teens and youth in this area! They care for nothing, and value, practically, no living or dead.

Anya had been noticing that guy for almost two weeks! She wondered how he caught the same bus as she did all the time. Strangely, for her, whenever she looked at him, he was looking at her too!

Something in her told her to ignore him and she did it, for couple of days. Though she didn’t look at him, she knew that he was there in the bus.

But the next day, without her permission, her eyes located him. He simply stared back at her. It was on a Wednesday.

On Thursday, her eyes again searched for him in the bus. But that time she couldn’t find him. It repeated on Friday too. She felt uncomfortable; though she didn’t know why!

For the first time in her life she cursed Saturday and Sunday.

“What’s your status Arun?”

“Two are on the way; may be a month at the most before you have them. That shy and stunning one is going well. Bit difficult, but managed. We are talking almost all night!” He paused. “And that rich chick; she is already under my spell. She bunks classes and takes me to the Veli Lake all the time. In her black car” He sounded as if she was a very easy target. As a matter of fact Arun hated easy targets or hoes, in his language!

“All the time? That sounds like we are soon gonna have her!” Raj seemed to be pleased with Arun’s progress. “And did you start making love with her in the car?”

“Kinda. I am teaching her things one by one. And by the look and feel, she should become one hell of a slut one day” he laughed as he sipped Bacardi. Others cheered.

Raj checked others status as well. He was pleased. “And you, Jay”

Jay had never disappointed Raj. Arun and Jay were the experts in hunting down the prettiest of all.

“What happened to you, mole?” Anya’s dad was concerned as he spotted her stared blankly at her dinner. He had noticed that she was skipping meals since the last two days. “Is it the exam time?”

She nodded without looking at him.

“Okay, don’t worry, I’ll get you a good tuition teacher soon. Now my baby girl, have some food”

Anya had to catch a crowded bus on Monday. She bought the ticket and moved to a place where she could stand comfortably among that crowd. She slowly turned sideways to see whether that guy was there. Her heart, again, sensed a sharp pain. She took a deep breath.

“Can I stand beside you?” Anya turned back. It was him!!! She didn’t know how or what she felt that time. All she wanted to say was a big yes. But, all she could do was smile.

“My name is Sreejith”

After a week Anya found that she was lying to her father to take more money from him. But she felt it was okay. Two weeks later she realized that her attendance was dropping. But she was not in a situation to care about that.

A month later, she feared that she would die without Sreejith!

Anya climbed behind Sreejith’s bike and hugged him tight from behind.

“Where to?”

“Where ever you like. I just want to be with you”

The bike stopped near a building with looked bit isolated. But she didn’t care about it.

“Come with me”

“Where are you taking me?” She laughed as he pulled her along with him as they climbed the stairs.

He opened a room and pushed her in. “This is our paradise!”

She looked around. “Is this where you stay?”

Sreejith nodded. He looked straight into her eyes and ten minutes later Anya found herself madly cuddled to Sreejith.

“Sree, I need to go! I can’t stay here for more.” Though she was enjoying what she was doing, she felt that there was something wrong. She thought about her family, her sister, and her future. A feeling of fear washed her. Slowly, she stood up.

The next thing she realized was that she was pinned to bed. He was so playful that she couldn’t resist him even amidst her fear. She wasn’t sure whether she was enjoying what he was doing… Slowly, his fingers made its way breaching all her resistance. He kissed and bit her passionately.

She was never confused in life like this, before. She couldn’t make up her mind. She was helpless. She was weak and she was lost.

She became more and more uncomfortable. She tried to throw him away from her but, was too late.

Two hours later Anya found herself weeping on his bed. He was still doing something on her. She was too numb to sense that!

After a couple of hours he dropped her back. She closed her room and switched off the mobile.

She couldn’t go to college for next two days. She lied to her parents again.

Sreejith was waiting for her at the usual place. He ran towards her and begged mercy in front of the whole public! She spotted tears in his eyes! Her heart once again flipped upside down.

Two days later she found herself in the same building. This time, he didn’t force anything. It just happened. Days went by…

Anya was thrilled as she was learning and exploring something she never did before…

One day, as they were making love, the door opened abruptly and 4 guys walked into the room. She frantically pulled the bed sheet over her.

“Jay” Raj addressed. Jay slowly pulled himself back from Anya and walked towards the chair. He lit one cigarette.

Anya was too paralyzed to react. Finally she opened her mouth “Jay?”

“Yes, my friends call me Jay. You call me Sreejith. That’s it” He said coldly.

She died… then, and there.

Nobody gave her any chance to talk or move. Just like the way vultures feast on their prey, those four pounced on Anya. She cried, wept and begged as they devoured her live corpse…

Three years later…

Anya’s phone beeped while she was at work. It was one of her new boyfriends.

Today, she manages 3 boyfriends. She has no clue how many she had or how many she ditched in the last two years.

Her respect for men and life had died three years ago. Today, she plays will all of them. She plays all dirty tricks on all men. She never cared whether the guy was good or not; for her, all men were the same! Vultures…

Sometimes Raj’s gang calls her and threatens her to go to their place. She knows that she has to go; else, they will make her a homemade porn star! Sometimes all 5 would be there to gorge her. Sometimes just one or two… But she never cared. It was just another routine task for her.

Gone were the days of her asking money from her father! Today, she never stops to beg or ask. Money seeks her!

Anya is a fictitious character. And so are Raj, Jay and Arun… But there are millions of Anyas, Rajs, Jays and Aruns living among us in this world, contaminating and devastating the lives around.

We live in a world which is already sick and tired of a game called ‘blame game’. So if you know whom to blame here, kindly keep it with yourself. But if you know how to help these people and save the rest of the innocent lives, Act Now! This world doesn’t need a super-man or a spider-man or anything of that sort, but a few real life heroes who can make a difference and make this world a better place to live in.

Every crime, every accident, every disaster is fine and tolerable as long as it is happening to someone else and as long as you are reading or hearing about it from others or media. But it will not be the same if one day that happens to you or to your blood or heart!

“Learn from other’s mistakes too. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourselves.” – Chanakya.


This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, Institutions, Places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Definition: Live foods are those which inject positive energy into the body when consumed.

Concept: The Concept is based on the fact that the body communicates every signal to the brain. Every part of the body including the digestive system communicates with the brain. The feeling it sends to the brain determines the nature of food.

Message: One should always aim to increase the consumption of live food and minimize that of the dead food. The secret of healthy life lies within this concept. Walk with me and find for yourself the secrets of living young forever.

Research: Live food doesn’t mean raw or green vegetables or fruits or flesh. It simply means choosing the right food for your body and consuming it. Everyone’s body reacts to different foods in unique ways and only an individual can read, accurately, the signals his/her body communicates to the brain. This single factor makes it nearly impossible for an outsider to select a right food for you. This makes You the best doctor you can hire for yourself.

Some foods gel well with your body; but others leave you uncomfortable and tired. Fundamentally, body communicates its wellness and illness through different signals. Your body feels refreshed and energized when you consume live food. But if it responds through signals like indigestion, feeling of uneasiness, bloating, flatulence, belching etc, then you can confirm for yourself that you just fed your body with something dead. That takes us to the world of dead food.

Dead Foods are nothing but those which suck energy out of your body leaving you with a feeling of uneasiness or tiredness.

When you feed dead food to your body, it struggles a lot to process it. Finally when it fails to process it, all its aim would be concentrated in driving the dead food out of your body. But the dead won’t leave your body just like that. It would create maximum havoc before departing.

The secret of living a healthy life lies in one’s ability in finding the right food for oneself and consuming it, while avoiding the dead things as much as possible…

(to be contd…)

Lost in my dream Island…

Posted: October 11, 2010 in Short stories
Tags: , , ,

The blue sky smiled gorgeously as I opened my eyes. The leaves of those tall trees glowed like an aura, making me feel like I was in paradise. It was a beautiful morning view; but was not the ones I was used to!

Where am I? I wondered as I rubbed my eyes and stretched my arms.

Only then I had noticed her. She was lying on my chest; her hairs and lips kissing my skin, her beautiful skin shimmering in that morning light.

I thought of asking her where we were; but something inside me demanded me not to wake that angel up. I tilted my head sideways and watched the surroundings.

White sands spread all over the place making it look like some fantasy world. There was no sound except for the distant resonances of waves.

Is it a beach? No! it can’t be. After all, why should I be in a beach!

My thoughts broke as the trees around us swayed along with the wintry breeze. The air which was smooth till then whispered something softly; a feeling of coldness washed me.

Why am i not wearing any shirt! Baffled, I let my hands and eyes search for it frantically. Soon my hands felt something. I looked at it curiously. It was a fruit.

I took it in my hands and stared at it… Slowly my vision started getting hazy!


The first thing I saw when I woke up was a sea. It was evening time and she looked gorgeous in that greenish blue attire. The horizon seemed like miles away; still he was complimenting to her seductive looks.

As I gazed her, it occurred to me that she was beckoning me. Her spell was already on me by then and it was over powering me in a mysterious way! Without my permission, my legs walked towards her.

When she kissed my skin for the first time, my inside shuddered; the coldness she had contained in herself was unbearable. Still, I kept walking as if in trance. My mind was totally blank; it even occurred to me that everything around me was still. In a little while, my lips tasted something salty. I didn’t think much; but took a complete dip there…

Totally cut off from all the sounds around… Bliss!

I opened my eyes and smiled. A feeling of happiness washed me!

As I emerged back to the surface, I took a quick look at the surroundings. That view just took my breath away. I gulped some air.

An island! What the hell! I exclaimed.

I stood stock-still there, marveling her beauty. But suddenly my eyes caught something strange lying on the shore. I ran towards it. The white sands got crushed under my feet. Some managed to get stuck to my wet naked feet.

A girl!!! I exclaimed as I halted just before her.

I kneeled down and looked at her. Her back was facing the sky. She was wearing a white dress; her long black hairs covering her face. Though I didn’t see her face, I figured out that she was a beauty.

Angel fell to earth! I wondered. I tried to wake her up by calling out something. But there was no response. I bend forward and shook her arms. All of a sudden she moved with a jerk.

That took me off guard and I fell backwards.

As I looked she woke up and sat there as if she was disturbed from a deep sleep. After a few seconds pause, she looked sideways. I adjusted myself to catch a glimpse of her face. Suddenly she looked backwards and her eyes caught mine.

For a moment, I was frozen!

Yes, she was an angel; may be the most beautiful one among them.

“Who are you? Why are you with me?” I heard her voice and saw her lips moving. But I was too paralyzed to respond.

“Hello, I am asking to you, sir” and she waved her hands.

Oh! I said as I woke up from that blackout state. What did you ask me? I looked at her innocently.

She repeated the question. I thought I was answering her. But all that came from my mouth was “Are you an angel?

May be my expression was funny, but she started laughing to it. A smile blossomed on my lips. Slowly it turned into laughter.

Some strange pleasure wave washed my inside again, for the second time that day.

My eyes met hers again. I felt like somebody was pulling strings inside my body; strings which connect my heart and my secrets. Again that frozen state!

How could a girl I met few minutes back do this to me! I wondered.

She smiled again; her face was calm and sweet. I felt as if my life was oozing out of my body…

“Do you know where we are now? Or at least, do you know whether there is anyone here apart from us?” She asked as if she recollected all that happened few hours earlier. I shrugged. She smiled again. “Good!”

“Do you think we can take a walk in here? This island seems to be beautiful”

I would have even jumped off from Himalayas that time if she had asked me to. What she asked was nothing compared to that. I nodded gladly…

She began talking like a child as we strolled along that paradise; about her favourite food, dresses, movies, and even about her childhood. A few minutes later, to my surprise, I discovered that I was too taking to her all silly things. Our chemistry had matched by then. We were laughing and enjoying each and every moment.

“Look, the sands are kissing your feet!” She said with a naughty smile. I gazed at her. A smile bloomed on my face.

“Probably they might be begging you to step off her. You might have been the worst creature that ever had set foot in here” She added quickly. The smile and wonder on my face faded in no time.

I gulped some air and tried to smile… She turned her face towards the distant sun.

Though she tried hard, she couldn’t hide that mischievous smile that blossomed on her lips.

Oh! Ok… I shrugged and smiled.

On one side the sea stretched beautifully seducing anyone who spared a look at her. At other side, was the sexiest island I had ever seen in my life! Tall trees, white sand; cool breeze… everything was seducing. And the one walking close to me was a divine aura; an angel. I was confused which was seducing me the most!

As I was battling those thoughts in my mind, my eyes spotted a small rock cave structure at a distance. Wow!

She followed my gaze and then halted for a while. I looked at her. Her eye brows contracted. A playful smile blossomed on her face and then without any word, she ran towards that cave.

“Let’s see who reaches there first” She called out as she sprinted.

I always hated it when someone challenged me!

Really! Then I must say that you turned the sprinting machine on, my angel” with that I sprinted.

A few seconds later, she stopped before me, panting. I was at the entrance of the cave. “I was just checking your speed. Not bad for a baby like you”

What! My jaws dropped. She smiled and ran her fingers over my hair.

“Your hair style just sucks!” She said in a careless way.

I felt like someone hit me hard with a big hammer.

She stood there and gazed me for a while. Swiftly she walked towards me and scrambled my hair; then took a step back and scanned me from top to bottom.

“Now you look sexy!” She smiled.

I don’t know where the lightning came and hit me from at that moment; but I just stood petrified.

“Hello Mr. Supernova, come on in. Are you planning to spend the rest of the day here standing like a stone baby?” She waved her hand again; that naughty smile lingered on her face.

She walked in first and I followed her. I should have named that day a stunning day. As my eyes caught a view of inside, I was like “Oh-my-freaking-god”…

She suddenly grabbed my arm and said “Even if I am trapped in this island for the rest of my life with you, I would never repent. This is heaven.” She paused.

“But the only concern is that I have to spend the days with the dumbest person on earth!” With that she loosed her grip on my arms and looked at me in a different way.

Why are you looking at me like that! What did I do wrong here? Though I tried to ask, words didn’t come out. I tried to smile.

She burst out laughing as she saw my expression. That’s the part which I never understood. One smile and all my inside melted… Just like that.

Is it some kind of spell or a charm? I asked myself.

A sudden sparkle appeared in her eyes; she was looking at something, wonderstruck. I followed her gaze. What I witnessed then was something breathtaking.

The sun’s rays were entering that cave though the tiny holes on the roof of the cave. The rays gushed inside like a blessing from heaven. Below was a water surface, an aqua blue one. The sands below the water were white just like those in the island. Some rocks popped out of the surface of water at various places.

The cave was enormous and it looked like it was a home to several secrets. My heart told me that it was the most romantic place I had ever seen and it asked me to freak out; and my mind, on the other hand, told me to be cautious as it was the most mysterious place I ever had seen.

“Come, let’s explore it” I called out looking at the different corners.

I think she was baffled at first, but was quick enough to respond “No, I am not coming. You do it alone” She shrugged.

“What make you think that you have an option there, apple peach?” This time it was my turn to give a naughty smile.  I took her arms and started walking through the stones. She followed; wearing that delicious smile on her face.

At times we had to hop from one rock to another. Some were slippery and we had to balance ourselves well not to lose our grip.

Yes, my mind was right. The cave was mysterious and cavernous in a unique way.

“Do you think there would be devils or demons in here?” She asked from behind.

“Why? Are you afraid of them?”

“Why should I be? I don’t care about them.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be; because you are walking with one now.”  I turned and winked at her. She poked her tongue out, pulled her ears and shook her head sideways. We laughed loudly…

If it was my legs which acted weird when I saw the aqua blue sea, it was my eyes this time. To my surprise, my eyes were studying her gorgeous figure in a much seducing way. Slowly, she walked close to me and looked over my shoulder. I gazed her for a while and then shifted my eyes away from her to the surroundings.

Soon, I felt her fingers against mine. I didn’t look at her. Neither did her. Leisurely, my fingers caught couple of her fingers. In a little while, I found myself playing with her nails. Suddenly she pulled her arms away. I looked at her eyes. She looked at mine for some time and looked down. I smiled as I figured a trace of shyness, for the first time, on her face.

“Can we keep exploring this place?” She asked me. I smiled and shrugged. We kept walking. But I knew by then that my heart had already accepted that angel… Occasionally I turned back and looked at her. She was silent all that time; her lips still wearing that lovely smile. The devil had already stolen her heart!

Time flew… The sun’s rays were fading. I understood that it was getting dark. We started walking back; hopping and balancing through the stones.

“Look back!” I turned and shouted. “Devil is standing right behind you!”

It almost took her breath away. She shot a sharp warning look at me. I gave a naughty smile and shrugged.

“Now if you do that again, I will… ah… I’ll do something!” She warned me with a naughty smile.

“Ahan… Let me see that then” I said playfully.

We were almost near the entrance. The sun’s rays, by then, had almost faded; what left was a faint light! Everything then looked like silhouettes.

“What will we have for din…” I couldn’t complete it. I felt someone pushing me from behind. I lost my footing. The next thing that got registered in my memory was my head hitting hard on that rock. For a moment I wondered what was happening to my body. I felt as if I was going down freely.

Is this the way to hell? No! It should be a refrigerator!

The water was dead cold! I felt as if it was tearing my muscles apart ruthlessly… The last thing I heard was some faint voices. But nothing was clear. Suddenly two arms grabbed me.


She moved gently. As she raised her head she saw me. Her lips moved; I smiled as I saw that same naughtiness on her face. Soon her eyes caught the fruit in my hand. She looked at the trees around.

“So I think our breakfast is ready” She smiled, resting her chin on my chest.

I smiled. She was drawing some shapes on my chest with her chin.

“Do you know what happened to me yesterday” I asked her.

The smile faded from her face.

“It was me!”  She looked down for a while. “I thought you were going to frighten me again. I thought I was pushing you to the pool. But you hit the rock…”

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean it. Only after pushing you I realized that you were just asking about dinner.”

That’s ok. It was nothing. I smiled. But how did you manage to take me here?

She stared at me for a while.

Slowly that mesmerizing smile returned to her face. She kissed my chin slowly “I was scared then and I didn’t want to lose you”

My jaws dropped; mouth wide open. She just kissed me!

Now who cares what happened to me! I felt like jumping upside down and screaming at the top of my voice.

“I did everything; but you were shivering badly. I rubbed your arms, hands… still. That’s why I did this”

That statement pulled me back from the dream land. Er – did what? I was confused.

But she just smiled and pulled herself up and sat next to me.

My jaws dropped dead again and I looked at her dumbfound. I wanted to speak; but I was too stunned to do that. She sat there beaming at me. Her eyes were shining.

At last I managed to open my mouth you – er-  you are naked!

You!!! I thought it was we!” She shrugged with a mischievous smile.

I didn’t look at myself but smiled as I pulled myself close to her.

“You were shivering badly and this was the only thing that I could do then.” She whispered to my ears.

My eyes met hers. She leaned towards me and slowly kissed my eyes.

I found it hard to breathe! Everything around me was revolving…

Yesterday’s was the luckiest accident in my life! The words came out of my mouth without my consent. She smiled like a Greek goddess…

I don’t know your name yet!

“call me apple peach!”

I just smiled to that.

She threw her arms around me. Our eyes met. The state of trance was on by then. I was already floating among the clouds. Her head moved close to mine; eyes closed. Before I closed my eyes, I saw her lips parting…

An illusion called life…

Posted: September 19, 2010 in My thoughts
Tags: , , , ,

At one point of time, everyone would realize that their life was a complete failure. It would feel as if it was just another mad race towards a never land. They would wish that they could turn back the time. But! There is no rewind button in life…

At that time, one would even realize that whatever he had till that day was just an illusion; all his physical assets, his relations, character, beauty, attitude & everything, everything was just an illusion… But it’s too late now. He cannot walk back and correct the errors he had made a few years back or say, for that matter, not even those which happened few seconds back.

So, I say, the sooner the better. Every human being learns almost the same thing at the end of his walk. Then he would wish he could change certain things that already had happened. He would wish he could start over again, like in video games! If he were to live again, he would wish to start his life with the level of experience and maturity he had gained at that point of his life…  but!

The creator himself is a cheater here. He takes a fresh seed; configures a fresh memory and sends it to earth. When the seed grows, it picks up things gradually through hard way. Finally, when it acquires enough knowledge to start a new live, the creator would send the demolisher… wipes it out entirely from the face of earth. No one would know where it went or what happened to the things it acquired in its life time! Yes a brutal end to a great warrior!

One might pass some of his learning or experience to the world before leaving here. But certain things die with him; the crucial things, i believe, to live a fulfilling life…  The creator cheats there again. He doesn’t want anyone to learn those in any other way other than the hard way!

When the old speaks, youth gets irritated. A universal law (or flaw)!!! But no blame game here please. It’s just another cheat the creator pulls. The game is designed in such a way that he makes every seed walk the same path; dependent childhood, challenging teens, colors & darkness of love, red hot youth; burdensome middle age, lonely end of the days… ha, I call this a complete drama. According to him, it is justice as everyone learns and walks the one and the same thing/way. And HE enjoys everyone leaving with the feeling of dissatisfaction. The craving for more never finds an end!

Many might have tried to tell me this in the past, but i don’t remember! Even if somebody had attempted it, i would have ignored that “nut case”. Now i stand here at a point where I realize that I was a nut case till this moment as i loaded my life with unnecessary pride, arrogance and self destructing attitude… I wish I could change some things. I wish I hadn’t done many things. I wish i had let myself loose many times. Look at me now… I don’t even see my reflection in the mirror!

I know I am not alone in this pothole. I see many faces here. No, not everyone is sitting and weeping. Some are trying to climb up towards the light…

Yes, i cannot rewind, but I can still change my future if i start climbing up now…


Posted: March 1, 2010 in My life at xime...

It is said that everything that has a beginning has an end…

The past is dead and gone. My life at XIME is a history now. But it did hand over a key to me… a key to the door of another world.

When I opened it, I saw nothing but a deep and dark forest with no sign boards or trails to follow. I looked back, nervously… No, there was no turning back! The road that had taken me there had long gone and disappeared.

I stood petrified in that virgin forest. A thin breeze of fear and anxiety washed over me! What should I do? Where should I begin? Whom should I seek assistance? The anxiety and fear in me then turned into anger blended with hopelessness!

I shouted desperately at the woods and stamped hard on the ground… But there was no answer.

No! Miracles won’t happen. I gnashed my teeth. I have to walk this alone. I have to find the way myself… but!

The fear in me again seized control over me!  

…but where would this lead me to? Would I find my way out?

While I stood there battling these thoughts, the environment changed without any warning! A cold breeze passed by waking me up from my anxieties…  

Only time could tell you that… You just believe in yourself and walk without fear… The woods whispered… for the only time!

I wasn’t sure whether it was the woods or just a feeling. But it did inject a fresh life into me. I looked at the woods confidently. Yes, this is my life and this is my journey. I have to walk this, myself.

Determinedly I set my foot ahead… I didn’t know what time had in its store for me. I didn’t know where it led to. But I knew this much:

If I find my way out, I’ll become a legend one day; else I’ll die like a common man…


My journey in quest of glory begins here….





A debt of gratitude to:

My sister – for the encouragement and support she bestowed upon me…

My parents & brother – for everything…

All my friends – for motivating and believing in me…

XIME faculties – Prof. Suresh Chandra, Dr. Easaw, Ms. Samuel, Prof. RTR, Ms. Rose Mary, Ms. Mathew, Ms. Austin…

Ms. Monroe –  for the wisdom and words of advice she shared…

& finally

To all my wonderful readers – who made this blog a happening place… Thanks a lot for the ineffable support and encouragement you showered upon me, visibly or invisibly…  My humble reverence to you…

& &…

A silent thank you to The Almighty – for having blessed me with the skills to express myself…

Some believed they had never seen a batch as fantastic as the 13th one, while others carped that they had never seen any worse. People shared different opinions! But, if you ask him about his personal opinion, he would say that the 13th batch was neither better nor worse than any other batches before or after it. If anyone had a different opinion, it was just because they had either under or over rated the other batches…

But the 13th batch was special and unique in a way, because of the tragedies it bore… Like all other batches, it started off with high flying dreams and energy. It had everything a batch wanted: talent, achievements, passion, glamour, romance, adventure, good times, bad times… everything. But at the end, it went down… silently… just like the legendary ship ‘Titanic’.

Some managed to find a place in the rescue boat, but others? They simply drowned; with all their dreams and hopes clutched close to their heart. The dawn was dark and cold then… and the evil fate stood tall at a distance, wearing a callous sneer on its face!

The old giants on the shore with big name tags could do nothing to help them, but just watch them drown. But yes, they had heard the whimpers and screams of the victims; they had seen the look of helplessness in their tiny eyes; and they had sensed that they were too young and inexperienced to face the brutal fate alone.  Yet, they stood like stone sculptures; close to the evil fate!

As time went by, everything became history…

The world might forget it. The ‘giants’ might try to bury it deep inside their hearts. But… but will the victims ever be able to forgive or forget it? He doubted.


Even though he started hesitantly, he did a ‘decent’ job as a placement coordinator. It wasn’t an easy task for him as he was steering the reins against the raging storm! Many promises and words of inspiration gushed into that chaotic world… even from the ‘giants’. But all those promises remained empty forever!

He tried; yet couldn’t steer the ship to the shore. But he stood tall, till the last moment… like a lighted candle spreading a radiance of hope.


One evening as he locked the placement room and turned to walk, he saw Prof. EG standing with Pakru and Kadavanthara in the corridor. It was evident from their faces that they were discussing something serious. As he walked towards them, the professor looked at him.

“Amal, its time… It’s official now! June 10th

He didn’t say anything. He knew that it was coming. He looked at his friends. Silence reigned…

On June 9th Pakru, Kadavanthara and he stepped down the XIME stairs with their baggage. An unusual stillness bloated the atmosphere that time. The tranquility she wore then was quite contradicting to her true nature…

Strange! He smirked. After all, he had never felt that he was staying in the XIME hostel those days. It was like an abandoned kingdom, once gloried with happiness, life and hope!!!  

As he walked through the corridor on that day, several thoughts flashed through his mind: the selection process, the ‘unexpected XIME phone call’, the day he had come with his father to pay the fees, the first week at college, the hostel ragging, friends, classes, CGPA, the tour, the party nights, the last few days… Everything then flashed through his mind like a dream!

Yes, life is a climb… There will always be stumbling blocks or dead ends to face, to overcome, to conquer. There will always be some mysteries to solve. There will always be uncertainties to deal with!!

But… but when will this stop? Won’t my life be free of uncertainties? His young mind raced for answers…

The XIME garden and the lovely flowers in it stood there in stunned silence… He was their favourite and customary photographer who had never failed to capture their beauty when they were ready…

The XIME gate opened with a frail, creaking voice…

No, uncertainties will never spare you; but that’s the beauty of the life… A mysterious smile blossomed on his lips.

As the gate silently closed behind him, he turned and spared one last look at the building… ‘Farewell XIME


(I chose a 3rd person’s view for writing here as I felt it was apt here…) 


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Warton Groceries was a small grocery shop. As he entered, he saw an old man standing in the counter. He seemed to be the one who was managing the shop.

He was searching for something on his desk…

At that moment an old woman walked to the counter with a basket in her hand. She was the only customer there then.

“Done with the shopping, Ms. Booth?” the old man in the counter enquired as she placed the basket on his desk.

“Well, enough for the week Vincent. Can you make it fast? I have to be at church before 9 a.m.”

“No problem Ms. Booth. Just a couple of minutes”

He took the items one by one and scanned it against a small box which looked like an audio cassette cover. As he finished doing that a small machine near the counter sprang to life. He pulled out a small slip from that and handed it over to the old lady.

“Here is your bill Ms. Booth.”

She collected that and glanced through.

“Now please pass me your CCN” Vincent requested.


“Alright” he said as he entered those digits into his cassette looking instrument. “Now Ms. Booth, please authorize the payment”

As Kevin looked she raised her forearm and pressed her index finger against it. Suddenly a small red screen emerged from nowhere in front of her. She pressed some digits and waved her hands. That’s it!! The screen is gone!!!

Kevin stood dumbfounded!

“Thank you Ms. Booth and have a lovely Sunday.”

“You too Vincent. Good day” With that she walked out of the store.

Kevin stared at the ‘cassette like thing’ in the grocery shop owner’s hand.

“You looking for something, son?” Vincent now turned to Kevin and inquired.

That question broke Kevin from his thoughts… He smiled and walked close to the grocery owner.

“Good morning. Well, I was wondering why the whole place seems so deserted. I didn’t see anyone in the street.”

The old man shot back a sharp look at Kevin. “You are not from this place, eh?”

Kevin just nodded. Ya, I don’t belong to this crazy world… no way! He said to himself…

“Well, that explains. Today is St. Rockon’s day. Everyone would be in the church.”

St. Rockon! Who the hell is that? Kevin wondered. But he didn’t feel like asking him…

“Then why aren’t you in church?”

“See kid. I know that he was a great man… but I don’t believe in all these stuff. Besides, I have my business to attend to.”

“And who exactly, did you say, is this St. Rockon?” Kevin finally asked him.

“You are a doctor. Aren’t you? These days schools teach nothing but shit! What a pity” the old man spat on the floor angrily. “I can’t imagine a educated person like you asking such a stupid question.”

Kevin suddenly felt the mistake he made. “You see, I am from a far away land. I am from Bangalore, India. May be that’s why I haven’t heard about him”

“I am sorry. What bank you said?”

“No! It’s not bank. It’s Bangalore.”

The old man frowned. “Look kid, I have no idea what place you are talking about. Besides, I don’t have time for all these. What do you want to buy from here?”

Kevin didn’t feel like talking to him anymore. Let’s get straight to the business then…

“You have a land phone or mobile phone here?”

“What! What phone?”

“Mobile or Land phone…”

“What are those? I have never heard anything of that sort?”

Is he playing fool on me! He is using all modern stuff here for scanning and billing and he doesn’t know what a mobile phone is?

“Look Vincent, I don’t have time to play around with you. Besides, I am the president of United States and you better understand that.”

The old man was baffled. He never thought of meeting a lunatic so early on a weekend! At first, this dumbo said something about some bank and now says he is the president of some states! He must be a prank… Its better I get rid of him immediately.

 The grocery owner went under his counter. When he emerged again there was a small gun like thing on his hand.

“Get out from here, you dirty imp” he barked pointing his weapon towards Kevin. “Else I will have you electrified!”

Electrified!!! Kevin wondered. But he knew that the old man had something dangerous in his hand.

“Relax… take it easy, man… I am leaving… Its fine” He held his hand upward and moved towards the door. The old man was still pointing his weapon on him. As he walked out he checked the time on big wall clock.

8 a.m.  he read… Kevin slowly walked out.


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